It's What You Do When You Care
by Belle Goode
Summary: Fourth book in my Charli series. Working on the fifth. Sad story so I'm rating it M for a little bit of language and the subject matter. Hope you guys like it. This one was hard for me to finish because of the story line, but my characters take me where they will. I hope you guys like it, and like I said, follow up story is in the works.


**A/N: I do not own CSI Miami or any of it's characters, affiliates...etc. This is just my imagination running with it! I hope you all enjoy!**

"Horatio?"

He turned to see Charli walking up behind him quickly to the crime scene.

"Is it true?"

"You know, I want you to go..."

"Is it true?" she repeated.

He studied her closely. "You don't need to be here." The shock and sadness that washed over her face was almost too much to take. "I want you to go."

"I'm not leaving."

"Sweetheart, I want you to go. I will meet you at the lab when..."

"I'm not leaving."

"Charli, I will meet you at the lab."

She stared at him. "This is bullshit, and you know it."

"You're not working this case Charli. Now go back to the lab." and he noticed the tears well up in her eyes. "Let someone else drive you."

"The hell I will." and she turned.

Reaching out, he grabbed her upper arm. "You may hate me for this, but you can't work this case sweetheart. Trust me, you don't want to."

She jerked her arm away from his grasp and got in his face, looking directly into his eyes. "You won't even let me make that decision, will you?"

"I've already made it." he said point blank.

Turning again, she half expected him to grab her arm, but instead, she walked toward the Ford Fiesta she owned and got in.

He watched her slam her fist on the steering wheel, then wipe her cheeks, before peeling out like she was stealing her own car.

* * *

When he found her, she was on the roof doing some school work. This was her last semester before she graduated and went into the police academy. That was going to be long enough training in itself.

"Charli?"

"Save it H. I don't even want to hear it. The only thing I want to know is if it's true or not."

He took a deep breath and let it out walking toward where she was sitting. Leaned on the railing, looking out over the parking area of the lab. "It was Sky, sweetheart."

She sat there in silence for a long moment before saying anything. "Was it murder?"

"We don't know yet."

"And no one is going to let me even touch this case."

"No."

"Because no one thinks I can be objective enough."

"Because you're too close to it, yes."

"Whatever." she whispered. Maybe she was too close to it. It had been almost six months since Sky left. She had seemed like she was okay, until she got back to Mississippi. She had blown through her mother's entire life insurance policy and had been on a downward spiral since she'd befriended her mom's people.

She had called Charli a week before and she had known something was wrong then.

"_Charli?"_

"_What's up kid?"_

"_I think I need to come back down there for a while. Get away from all the crap up here. Would that be alright?"_

"_Yeah. That would be great! I'd love to see you again!"_

"_You'll probably change your mind. I haven't been the best to myself lately."_

"_Everyone is allowed weakness. Horatio taught me that."_

_She laughed sadly. "Weakness isn't what I'd call this. More like a complete come-apart."_

"_What's wrong Sky?"_

"_Too much to tell you. How about I head down. I've got a few things to take care of here, and then I'll be on my way in a few days."_

"_Alright. Can't wait to see you then."_

She knew then that she needed to drop everything and fly up. But she'd thought against it, and had decided she'd wait. She'd known what it was like to be forced into something, and the resentment that came with it, whether it was right or not.

Horatio's phone rang and he answered it. "Yeah. - Yeah. - I'll be right there." and he slipped it back into his pocket. "There's two other cases that just came in this morning."

She put her pen down and folded her book. "I'm working the yacht case. I was just taking my lunch break. I'll get back to it." and she left her book there in the seat, which told H, she would be back up before going home.

He watched her disappear and then followed, heading down to the morgue. "What have we got Alexx?"

With a gloved hand, she gave him a note that she'd found in Sky's jacket pocket when processing. It looked like a suicide note, and it was addressed to Charli. "I wasn't sure what to do with it."

"I'll give it to her later. Let's finish up with this first. What is your opinion?"

She shook her head and looked up at him. "You know I don't ever give opinions. But initially, it looks like she bled out from a single cut to the artery under her arm."

"They found a piece of glass in the sand where she was found."

She nodded. "That would do it."

"Isn't it odd though for someone to commit suicide by cutting there?"

"Rare yes. Unheard of, no. These other cuts around there are conducive with hesitation marks, which indicates suicide."

Looking at the piece of paper in his hand, using the gloves he had on, he unfolded the paper and put it into a clear evidence bag. The note wasn't long. It said simply: _"Charli, I'm sorry I can't face you like this. It's gotten too hard since diving headlong into my mother's world. I'm ashamed to admit this after all you and your team did for me. I'm sorry for being such a let down. I just, I look at you and Horatio, and I know, I will never have that with someone. And it's so hard for me. Please forgive me."_

Glancing up at Alexx he nodded. "She didn't sign her name."

"Also not uncommon with suicides."

"Understood. Let me know as soon as you have your findings."

"You'll be the first call baby." and she watched him disappear through the doors.

It was a mere ten minutes before Charli appeared in the door. "Alexx."

She turned when she stopped in her tracks and lost the color in her face. "You shouldn't be in here."

"I...I was going to see if there was anything on...on..." and she stopped staring at the body on the table and looked into the eyes of the woman standing there. Focus on the living. Focus on her dark brown eyes. Don't look at the body on the table. She cleared her throat. "Marcus Alexander."

She walked around, putting her hand on her shoulder and back, turning her toward a box that she had with the mans results. "Here it is." When her eyes wandered, she reached up a hand lightly and turned her head. "Come on sugar. Up you go. He needs processing too."

Charli nodded her head and disappeared into the elevator. She closed her eyes. She wouldn't cry. She _wouldn't_ cry. This man would be protected. His murder would be solved. She wouldn't let this interfere. Horatio had been right. As pissed off as she had been at him, he had been right to keep her from everything. But it didn't help. That fact only made things worse.

Because the fact of the matter was, she hadn't been able to help her a week ago. If she had pushed it, she could have gotten more. If she'd been there that morning instead of running out to assist the case she was working on now, she would have been able to stop her.

She jumped when the elevator dinged and she went about her day, doing the job she was tasked with doing.

* * *

It was six o'clock when he glanced at his watch. He had no sooner seen Charli as he would if she'd been in class all day. Searching her out, he stopped by one of the labs on his way to the roof. He stood in the doorway.

"I thought you would have gone home already." he said softly.

"There's a lot of work to be done."

"Were you able to finish your homework?"

"I will when I'm done with this. I'm almost finished with it."

"You want something to eat? I'm heading out."

She shook her head. "I'll get something when I leave."

"Charli, I'm sorry. I haven't told you yet, but I'm sorry she's gone."

She shrugged and cleared her throat. "Thanks." she whispered.

"I want you to take some time..."

"No."

"Charli, I don't think...

"I'm not taking time off. I don't need it and there's work here that needs to be done. I'm fine."

"You're sure."

"Never been more sure." she said, wondering if anyone would understand or know the inner turmoil going on inside herself. "Now, if you don't mind," she started, quieter than before, "I really need to finish this analysis."

"Alright. Let me know if you need anything."

She nodded as he stepped out. She hadn't looked at him since that morning when she got in his face. He stepped into the elevator and wondered what would happen with Charli when all of this was said and done. He'd left her letter in evidence and a part of him prayed she didn't find it before he gave it to her.

Natalia poked her head in. She swore, if she got interrupted one more time...

"Hey Charli."

She turned her head, looking up at her. "What's up?"

"I was going to see if you found anything on the Alexander case."

Finally. Something to do with what she was actually working on. She took a deep breath. "This trace is actually Fast Orange."

"Fast Orange?"

"Yep. Mechanics use it to wash the grit and grease off their hands when they work." then she stopped, pulling herself together. She wouldn't think about Sky. She wanted to be a mechanic. It was all she talked about some months before. Clearing her throat, she continued. "It's got stuff in it like Lava soap, that's a really harsh abrasive, but gets the job done."

"So our boy was a mechanic?"

"Nope. Whoever killed him is."

"Really?"

She nodded. "It was on his shirt and pants."

"Well good. Thanks. You almost finished?"

Charli looked down. "I still want to get the shoes done, it may take a little while."

Natalia smiled. "Alright. Do you need a hand?"

She shook her head. "Once I'm done, I'm going to get my book and head home."

"Alright." and she turned. "Let me know if you change your mind. I'm heading out in about fifteen to grab a bite to eat."

Nodding this time. "I might if I get done with this soon enough. If not, I'll see you tomorrow after class?"

"Tomorrow it is." and she disappeared.

When she glanced at her phone, what seemed like a few minutes later, it read nine-fifteen. She had class first thing and she needed to finish her homework. She clicked off the light from the microscope she'd been using and headed up to the roof, grabbing her book and heading home.

Doing her homework and keeping herself busy, helped. But when she slept, she dreamed. Dreamed about the accident she'd been in with Sky, dreamed about pulling a gun on her that first night, dreamed about seeing her on that table.

* * *

When she showed up for work that next afternoon, she looked at whits end. She glanced around at everyone but didn't say anything as they all said hi and a couple said they were sorry. She didn't want people to be sorry dammit. It was what it was, and it couldn't be changed. So why worry with it?

Horatio stepped into her area as she slid her jacket on. "How was class?"

He asked her every day she had it how it went. She nodded. "Decent. Had a pop quiz."

"You passed I assume."

"As if there was doubt." she said trying to keep it light.

She was trying to keep him from noticing her upset. And he promised himself to try and give her space. "Not at all. Do you need anything on this Alexander case?"

She shook her head. "So far, so good."

"Alright. Well I'll get out of here. You let me know."

She nodded. "I will." and she started back to work.

She didn't stop, he noticed. It was another late night for her and he knew she had class in the morning. Popping in he cleared his throat. "How late are you staying?"

Looking up, she shrugged before answering. "A little bit longer."

"Are you still working on the Alexander case?"

She nodded. "I'm almost finished with this." then she stepped back. "Look at this."

He stepped closer and peered into the microscope. "It looks like black sand."

"Which means he either came from Venice, or..."

"His killer did. Good job."

"Thanks."

Standing back he studied her. "You have class in the morning?"

She nodded. "I was going to record my findings then get home so I could finish my homework. I'll be in around eleven tomorrow to finish this up, if Walter hasn't beat me to it."

"He said you two were competing to see what you could get on who faster."

Laughing this time, she shook her head. "Kinda. I'm betting it was the jealous ex-wife. He thinks it's the ex-girlfriend."

"Crime of passion. Could be both of them together."

"Could be. Guess we'll find out tomorrow."

When she got there the next morning, she was surprised to find both the ex-wife and the ex-girlfriend were in interrogation rooms. Walter walked out of the room, shaking his head. "We're even."

"What?" she asked, half way smiling.

"It was both of them."

"I'll be damn!"

"What?"

"I should have put money on it! I knew he'd be right!"

"Who?"

"Horatio! He said last night it could be both and it was a crime of passion. Should have known he'd have called it."

"Well damn!"

"I know." then she stopped, seeing a file in the lab she was working in. She was sure she wasn't supposed to have seen it. But being there and not thinking, she flipped it open and then froze when she saw the note. She scanned the words quickly, closed it back, wiped the tear that fell, then went about her business as if she hadn't noticed.

* * *

Horatio popped in a few minutes later and placed his hand on the folder, hoping she hadn't seen it. "How was class this morning?"

She plastered on a smile as to not let on. "Good. No pop quiz today and I got a B on my homework so..."

"Good." and he stepped closer to see if he could see her eyes better and she glanced up, quickly looking away.

"Oh, and, I should have bet you yesterday! You," and she pointed her finger at him playing, "were right Mr. Caine."

"And what was I right about?"

"It was the girlfriend and the wife."

"That would explain why Walter has them both in holding."

"Yep."

"You alright this morning?"

She shrugged. "Didn't sleep a lot last night. No worries though, I will tonight I'm sure."

"Alright Ms. Gibbens. I'll see you later."

It was a few hours after when Calleigh popped in on Horatio in his office. "Hey, what's up with Charli?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"She hasn't made coffee."

"What?" he asked again, completely unaware of what she was talking about.

"Charli makes coffee every day when she comes in. I realize you don't drink it, but the rest of us do. I'm not sure what she does, and she refuses to tell any of us, but she hasn't made coffee since...well since Sky's suicide."

"I wasn't even aware she'd stopped doing it."

She nodded. "It's probably nothing, but it's got us thinking about things, and we're worried about her."

And that worried him. "I'll talk to her."

"No, don't do that, I just thought maybe you knew if she was...if something was wrong."

"Something probably is. I'll look into it. Thanks for telling me."

* * *

Over the course of the next week, she got worse and worse. He could see in her face that she wasn't sleeping and she had lost weight. She had stopped talking to just about everyone around her and it had only gotten worse since the discussion about a funeral.

"Charli? Sweetheart there's something we need to talk about."

She looked up at him and blinked. "Okay?"

She had long since been told that it had been determined that Sky had killed herself so he knew going over the inevitable was going to be hard. He handed her a sheet of paper that went over options for burial, or cremation.

Reading it silently she gently put her fingers on it and stopped herself before tears fell. She had already thought about it, but reading it on paper, almost stole her breath. She blinked fast to keep the moisture away and handed it back to him. In the depths of her eyes, he saw something that worried him worse than sorrow and anger for the loss of her friend. She was numb. "I figured the decision should be yours."

For whatever she was feeling, she wouldn't let herself deal with what was going on.

"Okay." and she cleared her throat. "Cremation I guess." and she went back to work on her job.

"Talk to me Charli. Is that what you want?"

"What's there to talk about? She killed herself. This is the most effective way of taking care of it. I have work to do."

"You're hiding behind your job and your school again. Just like you did after everything happened with your father. You think I don't know that you've lost weight and your not sleeping?"

"My work, nor my schooling, are suffering. I don't see how that's even an issue. So I'm not eating as much."

"Do I need to force you to..."

"What, Horatio? Are you going to cuff me and make me sit in some shrinks office?"

"If that's what it takes."

"Why don't you just leave me alone?"

"Do you really expect me to do that?"

"I don't know what to expect any more. And honestly, right now, I don't really give a rats ass! Now if you don't mind, I've got work to do."

He shook his head. It was another two days before he walked in and looked at her. She didn't even know that he had paid for Sky's cremation or that it had been done already. He was just waiting on her to tell him when they would do the memorial. But it never came up. She had refused to talk to him and had gone to the point of almost intentionally avoiding him when he was in the lab. "Go home. I don't want to see you until you've seen someone."

She shrugged. "Fine." she said. She stood up and grabbed her books. He stopped in front of her just before she walked out the door.

"I can't begin to imagine what's going through your mind right now."

She looked up at him briefly, then looked away before she gave in and let go of the emotion trying to flood her body.

"Why don't you have Natalia stay with you for a couple of nights?"

"I don't need a babysitter."

"I didn't say you did. I was just going to say, it might be nice for you to have the company."

"I've got school in the morning."

Blocked again. She wasn't going to budge, and he needed to go about this in a different way completely if he was going to get anything. Stepping out of the way he squeezed her shoulder. "I'm here if you need me. Okay? That's not changing. No matter how much you push, I'm not going anywhere. And neither is anyone else."

She nodded this time, pausing before walking out. "Thanks." she whispered, and headed home. Walking into her apartment, she remembered the first night that Sky had gotten there, and she remembered dreaming and waking up abruptly to pull a gun on her.

She looked around seeing other memories made while she'd been there and then stopped, seeing a picture of the girl that had been taken just before she went home. She'd been standing on the beach, exactly where she killed herself.

She wouldn't cry. She could handle this. But she should have stopped her. She should have found a way. She should have...what? What could she have done? She went to sleep that night and had another nightmare. It was about three when she woke up in another cold sweat, running to the bathroom to throw up from being so upset.

She curled up in a ball and fell asleep in her bathroom floor this time, being too tired to get up and go back to bed. When she heard knocking the next morning she realized she was still there as she uncurled herself. Man she was weak and sore this morning. She heard her door open and a familiar voice. She knew that Horatio and Natalia were the only two with keys to her place and she was glad it wasn't Horatio.

"Oh my gosh, Charli!" she said as she walked in, finding her there. "What happened to you?"

With Natalia's help, she stood stiffly. "I woke up in the middle of the night and got sick from a dream. I must have fallen asleep." she whispered dully.

"Come on. I stopped by to take you to breakfast this morning. I've barely seen you in the past week and everyone's worried about you."

"I'm fine. Give me a few minutes to get dressed." and she hid behind her door for a moment. She was going to have to keep up appearances if she was going to get back to work. If she didn't have work, she wouldn't have any way to keep this all from getting to her.

Throwing on one of her favorite outfits and putting her make-up on for the morning, she stepped out of the bedroom, a brilliant smile plastered on her face. "Ready?"

"Sure." then she studied her. "You've lost weight."

Charli shrugged. "A couple of pounds. No big deal."

Natalia giggled, trying to keep it light so that Charli didn't get defensive. "You're barely a few pounds as it is kid."

"Yeah."

Stopping outside the apartment she turned to her. "You alright?"

Shrugging, she locked up her door. "I guess. I'm just trying to keep from thinking about things."

"You were really close with Sky. It's understandable you'd be upset."

"I guess I wasn't close enough. I didn't even realize she was in as bad a shape as she was." then trying to change the subject so she didn't think about it, she cleared her throat. "I'm out of the lab for a few days, or until Horatio deems fit for me to come back. If you guys need any help, let me know, okay?"

Pretty sure she could guess why Horatio told her to stay home, she nodded. "Alright. I will."

They had chosen a small cafe not far from the college to eat and she had jumped immediately to it when she got done eating.

Natalia headed to the lab, running into her superior. "H?"

"Miss Boa Vista."

"I hear you told Charli to stay home."

"I did. You must have talked to her this morning."

She nodded. "I took her to breakfast."

"Did she actually eat?"

She nodded again. "Although I have to admit when I got to her place this morning I had to open the door and I found her on the floor in the bathroom."

"What?"

"I guess she had a nightmare last night and got sick from it, then fell asleep in the bathroom afterwards."

"She's running herself into the ground. Where is she now?"

"She's at school."

"Alright. I'm stopping by her place tonight."

She nodded. "Keep me posted H. I'm really worried about her."

"I will."

* * *

Looking at the kid on the couch, he could see why she hadn't answered the door. He had been right, she was running herself into the ground and there wasn't a damn thing anyone could do to stop it. She was working on her final thesis before graduating and as he flipped through the pages, he could see where even her penmanship as well as the thesis, had become careless and all over the place.

She'd kept her place up with the exception of a couple of dishes still in the sink, and admittedly even that, had been out of character for her. It was as if she'd simply shut off everything. He looked down at her as her eyes squeezed together into an all too familiar expression. She was dreaming.

A sweat broke out on her forehead and she came awake with a gasp. Looking to the side of her, it took a split second to recognize the red hair, before she bolted for the bathroom to get sick. Following quickly, he wet a rag down handing it to her as she stood.

She turned toward him after wiping her face. "What are you doing here?" she whispered.

"I came to check on you. When you didn't answer the door, I let myself in. You were dreaming."

"Well thank you. For helping I mean. Sorry you came all the way over just to..."

"I came over to check on you. Like I said."

"You didn't have to. I'm fine."

"That's what you keep telling me Ms. Gibbens. Though admittedly I'm finding it harder and harder to believe."

She shrugged. "I guess then, that's on you." and she walked out of the small room and sat down on her couch. She was staring at the picture of Sky, and he wondered if she even realized it. "I'm not really sure what you want from me."

"We've been over this before."

She just nodded. They had been over it. Several times. All they wanted was for her to be happy and to be safe and healthy. Right now she was none of the above. But she wasn't ready to deal with what it entailed to get there again. "I don't want to talk about this right now."

"And that, is the problem. Isn't it? You don't want to talk about it."

She took a deep breath and shook her head. "I don't see how talking about it is going to do anything. I'm fine."

"Really?" When she nodded, he sat down. Looking over at her, he continued. "How much weight have you lost in the last week?'

"What?" she asked, he'd asked so out of the blue.

"How much weight have you lost in the last week? You're not eating."

"I am too! Ask Natalia! We went to breakfast this morning."

"I know you did. She told me. How long did you keep it down?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't lie to me. Natalia said she found you in your bathroom floor this morning and that you told her you'd thrown up from a dream and fell asleep. Much like you did a few minutes ago. So I'm going to ask you again. How much weight have you lost in the last week?"

She stared at him. "Eight pounds."

"Do you sleep when you're not just flat out exhausted, or do you wait until you just can't stay awake any more?"

"You know, I don't see what any of this has to do with..."

"Killing yourself isn't going to bring her back Charli." he said softly. "You know I'm right."

"I'm not trying to kill myself Horatio. You should know me better than that."

"I thought I did."

"Now?"

"Sweetheart, you're all over the place and you don't even see it! This is worse than after everything went down with your father. Then, you knew it and didn't care. This time, you're completely numb."

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "I don't want to talk about this."

"I know you don't. But you either do, or you're going to wind up losing everything you love."

"I'm not that bad."

"Charli, you got in my face. Because I wouldn't let you see the crime scene. You're too close to this and you wont even admit it to yourself."

"What good is admitting...anything to myself going to do? Honestly?"

"It will start the healing process."

"And what am I supposed to admit anyway? There was nothing I could have done."

"That's true. But let me ask you this." and he grabbed her hand. "Do you really believe that?"

Reaching a shaky hand up to tuck her hair behind her ear, she shook her head and let a tear roll.

"What do you dream about?" he asked, knowing from the last time, that would help her to open up as it had before.

She tucked her legs under her on the couch and stared at him for a long moment before closing her eyes. "I'm so tired." she mumbled, not answering him.

"I know sweetheart." then she curled up on her side, settling down into the cushions. Not able to help it, he grabbed the blanket at the end of the sofa and covered her with it. He could see how tired she really was, and even though she was avoiding talking, he wasn't going to push it. "I want you to rest. I'll be here in the morning, and we can talk. Okay?"

"Why?" she whispered. "I told Sky once that it was my nature to push, but that you pushed harder. Why? What is it about me, that makes you...care, so much?" Her eyes were closing. "I don't understand why. Why is it enough for some, but not for others? Didn't I show her enough? I told her that one person could make a difference. One person _can_ make a difference. You taught me that!" Her eyes opened again, drowsy. "You taught me that." she repeated. "But it wasn't enough for her. Why wasn't it enough for her?"

"Some people just aren't strong enough Charli."

"That's bullshit." Then she shook her head lightly. "Or maybe it's not." she added.

Horatio knew she was talking about herself and he shook his head. "Don't honey."

It was happening, and she couldn't stop it. And she knew it. Once the first tear fell, it wasn't going to stop. "Sometimes I hate your knack for this."

"For what, sweetheart?"

"For always being able to get me to talk when I don't want to."

"Well in all fairness, I have been trying for over a week now."

"I don't want to admit that I wasn't strong enough."

"Now who's talking bullshit?" he said, half smiling. After sitting back down again in front of her on the couch, he reached up and pushed the hair out of her face. "Charli you have to understand something. People and lives, are what we make them. Some of those people, such as Sky, can't see past what they've done in their past to survive. They can't see past what they've got in the moment to know what they could have in the future."

"I couldn't. Not until you. You have no idea what you giving me that card, did for me. That stupid card. You'll never know." she whispered the last part before closing her eyes.

He let his breath out slowly, watching her breathing even out and deepen. "I know sweetheart." Standing up he sat down in the chair beside her couch. She was never more vulnerable than when she was exhausted. And she was going to be mad at herself in the morning for spilling her guts most likely. But that being said, he stood up, walked into the kitchen and searched for a glass for some water. Opening the cabinet, he found her coffee mugs, and one struck him as he froze in place and stared at it for a long moment.

It was a mug that was designed for a person to be able to create their own images to go around it. And that's where he found a very delicately and well taken care of, though slightly worn, card with his name on it, the lab's address, and his number written at the bottom in his hand writing. She had just mentioned that stupid card, and here she looked at it every day. Wanted the reminder, every morning when she got up. For everything the girl wasn't, when it came to relationships, sentimental was one thing that she was.

Which was most likely why she'd been taking it so hard. He needed to let her read the note. He'd tucked it away and it was still in an evidence box. He needed to let her see it. He decided he would do that in the morning, as soon as she woke up and probably let him have it for being over there and staying with her. He half laughed, shaking his head, realizing just how much he knew her.

* * *

"_Charli?"_

_She turned around. "Sky?" They were on the beach together. "Sky what happened?"_

_The girl hung her head and looked out at the ocean, shrugging her shoulders. "I couldn't face you."_

"_Thats crap and you know it! Why would you ever feel like you couldn't face me? After everything we went through?"_

"_I couldn't let you see me like that."_

"_So, you'd _rather_ I see you dead?"_

"_No, you don't understand. It wasn't like that."_

"_Then what was it?"_

"_I don't...I don't know. My head wasn't in the right place."_

"_Well that's obvious. How could you do it?"_

"_What was I supposed to do? I didn't have anyone! You at least have people that care! You always will!"_

"Dammit I cared! Why wasn't that enough?" she screamed.

Horatio sat forward where he'd dozed watching the television and he stood, walking to the couch. "Charli?"

"I should have stopped you!" she yelled again. "I should have known! I should have known!" she repeated a couple of times.

He reached down and grabbed her arms, trying to shake her lightly, much as he'd had to, some time before. "Come on Charli. Wake up honey."

Her breathing was erratic and she had tears steady streaming down her face. "Sky wait! Stop! Don't do this! Please don't do this!" she yelled.

Pulling her into his arms he held her. "Charli! Wake up sweetheart! You're safe. You're home. I'm here. Wake up!"

She gasped awake and almost instantly knowing where she was, wrapped her arms around the warm body and buried her face in his neck as she cried. "I wasn't enough. I wasn't enough." and she cried harder. "Why wasn't I enough? You were enough. Why wasn't I enough?"

All he could do was hold her and let her get everything out. There was so much anger and anguish behind her voice and he knew that nothing he could say, would make it better, until she thought it through herself.

"She could have had what we have. All she had to do was open up. All she had to do was accept it. You were there, you were enough. You could have been there for her like you were for me. She said she couldn't face me. Why couldn't she face me?"

He stopped in a moment, his heart breaking in the knowing that she had read the letter. She had seen the words that he hadn't meant for her to see until she was able to handle it. Then suddenly it made sense why she hadn't been able to handle it. Why she'd withdrawn and why she'd gotten to the point that she couldn't function. That letter, had been written to her. All of the guilt and all of the pain, all of the emotion, and she'd kept it bottled up until now. "Sweetheart, I..."

"I don't understand. I'll never understand. Why? Why?" she whispered as she cried. "I knew. When she called me, I _knew_ I should have gone to her then. But I didn't. I had too much to do. Too much holding me here. Too much school. Too much work. I was too stupid to know what was going on under my nose. I didn't listen to myself, and I should have. I should have. I could have stopped her. I could have insisted on meeting her at the airport. But she said no. She told me to stay and work. That she would see me the next morning. But she didn't. She never showed up."

He held her as she cried for almost another hour, before finally falling asleep again. He never said a word outside of the one time, trying to calm her. She fell back asleep in his arms, asking over and over again why, more specifically why she hadn't been enough. Letting her rest back, he stood up and paced for a few minutes before calling Natalia.

It was a mere twenty minutes before she was there. "What happened?"

He filled her in. "This is way worse than before."

* * *

She slept for the rest of the night, not getting up until almost nine the next morning. When she woke, she was still on her couch, Horatio was on the chair and Natalia was walking into her door with a sack full of stuff.

She cleared her eyes and stared at the red head. "What are you doing here?"

He leaned forward. "What do you remember from last night sweetheart?"

She thought back. Rolling her eyes and letting out a disgusted sigh at herself, she shook her head and looked up. "Sorry."

"For what?"

"What I do remember was enough to send anyone running for the hills. You must have been out of your mind last night."

"Honey I was very worried about you. I still am to be honest." then he studied her. "Why didn't you tell me you read the letter?"

She shrugged. "You obviously didn't want me knowing it existed. Plus, there were more pressing issues at hand."

"You, are not an issue. You are still here and you, deserve some peace in all of this. And there is no explanation for this Charli. There is no reasoning behind this. I'm sure in her mind, there was, but there's not. You will never understand it, or at least, I hope you never do. Because if you ever get to the point that you have any inkling into understanding why anyone would end their own lives, you'll have a hell of a fight on your hands."

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "I'm not going to get to that point."

"You had a few people wondering for a little while there, I'm not going to lie to you. The whole team is worried about you." Natalia spoke up.

"How long have you been here?"

"Horatio called me around four this morning."

Then she shook her head again. "All of the manpower you could be having at work, and you're over here. I'm a waste on your resources."

"It's Saturday sweetheart."

How bad was it that she didn't even know that? It wasn't until later that afternoon that she opened herself back to talking to either one of them about her feelings about things and what she wanted to do with the memorial ceremony and everything. She'd cried again for a moment when Horatio told her that he'd already paid for and proceeded with everything. "You always take care of things." she whispered.

He shrugged. "It's what you do when you care."

* * *

The memorial was finished and she was sitting alone on the beach. She heard the footsteps and realized she was surrounded by everyone on the team. The whole group had showed up for this. She had no idea if they were there for her or for Sky, but for some reason, it didn't matter.

They were all there. And no matter why they showed up, they were there for her now. She felt a hand on her back and then saw a body sit down next to her in the sand.

No one talked for a long time until Walter cleared his throat. "I'm jonesing for some ice cream. Who's with me?"

"You know what I miss?" Calleigh asked innocently.

"Oh yeah." Eric piped up.

Then in unison Ryan and Natalia both said "Charli's coffee."

Charli laughed and wiped her cheeks again, feeling an arm go around her shoulder. "Let's go get some ice cream then go back to my place and I'll have her make some coffee." Horatio said.

Getting a resounding yes, everyone started to get up, except for the person beside her, who still had his arm around her shoulders. She leaned into his side and felt him squeeze. "You're going to be alright sweetheart."

"I know." she whispered. "I have too much to do, not to be. I'm leaving for the academy the week after I graduate."

"It's going to be a long twelve weeks without you kid. We'll be right here when you get back."

"I know." then she straightened before wrapping her arms around him. "I don't deserve you guys."

"That, is not true." and as he had many times before, he laid his cheek on her head. "If that were the case, you wouldn't have us."

"I would argue that point sometimes."

"I'm sure you would. And you could probably pretty validly argue it, from your point. But you'd be in for a pretty big argument with the rest of us."

Half laughing, she squeezed against him. "And I'm very grateful for that reality. This is why I love you all so much."

"Yeah well, you know we all put up with you because we've got to." and he smiled hearing her giggle. "You asked me that night, why you weren't enough. Sweetheart, the only one you aren't enough to, is yourself sometimes. We all depend on you and love you so much, there's no question about you being enough. And if someone else can't see in you, what we see in you, and know that it's more than plentiful, then that, is their problem. So do me a favor Charli."

"What's that?"

"Never doubt yourself or how much these people love you, myself included. You've become such an integral part of this team, and this family, that if anything ever happened, it would be such a pivotal loss for the whole lot of us."

Unable to stop herself from smiling, she looked out at the ocean once more before standing. "I promise to try Mr. Caine."

"Then, Ms. Gibbens, that's all I can ask."


End file.
